Oakland University Athletics defends their players from their recent loss against Cleveland State. According to them, their student athletes had some bad chicken from Chartwell’s, leading to most of the players getting food poisoning. “At Oakland, we have The Blacktop. Cleveland almost had The Browntop,” Head Coach Greg Kampe said during the post game press conference. Oakland Athletics has announced preventative measures to ensure this doesn’t happen again in the future. “I bought 300 bottles of Tums” Kampe declared.
“It was horrible,” Grizzly Player Isaac Garrett recounted. “They keep calling me ‘I-shit’ Garrett.”